Should you spring for step-by-step tutorials?
By Aaron Wulff
You’ve seen the videos. An elegant couple performs a flawless choreographed routine to their first dance song in a Victorian ballroom. Every step is perfect. Every turn lands. There’s no one else around, but if there were they’d be crying. Wait, there they are again in another video, doing another amazing dance to an amazing love song. You think, “I want that.”
And you can buy it. There are companies all over YouTube that will sell you step-for-step choreography for your exact song, taught through online video. For some reason it’s always in Euros or Rubles. Oh well. Learn at home. No instructor needed.
I’m not here to bash them. For some couples, that’s exactly what they want, and they have a great time. But you should know what you’re actually buying before you click purchase on that perfectly coiffed couple’s choreography.
What you’re buying is a template.
When you buy a pre-made choreography for “your” song, you’re getting the same routine they sold to the last fifty couples who picked that song. Same steps. Same turns. Same ending. It’s mass-produced, which is why it’s cheap. That’s not a criticism, it’s just economics. Custom choreography from a live instructor costs hundreds because it’s built for your bodies, your skill level, your song cut.
There’s nothing wrong with a template if you know it’s a template. The problem is when couples expect it to feel personal and it doesn’t, because it can’t. It wasn’t made for you.
Don’t take my word for it. Go read the reviews on The Knot for in-person wedding dance instructors. The five-star ones all sound the same, and they’re all about the same thing.
“He created choreography specifically for us.” (The Knot) “It felt natural and like us, rather than overly choreographed or stiff.” (The Knot) “I don’t think we’d be as smooth if we only watched videos online.” (The Knot)
Nobody writes “he sold us the same routine as fifty other couples and it was perfect.” The thing couples keep praising is personalization. A routine built for their bodies, their song, their skill level. That’s exactly what a template can’t give you, because a template was never built for you in the first place.
The lead and follow problem.
Here’s what those videos don’t show you: there’s really no leading and no following happening. Both of them memorized their parts separately and performed them simultaneously. It looks like partner dancing, and it sort of is. But it’s really more like synchronized solo work.
That’s fine for a performance. But it’s not dancing together. If someone bumps the table, if the DJ starts the song three seconds late, if you get nervous and rush, there’s no framework to recover. You either remember the next step or you don’t.
Real lead and follow gives you that framework. The groom learns to lead actual moves when he decides it’s time. The bride learns to follow them. It’s spontaneous. It’s a partnership. You can dance to multiple songs, not just the song you memorized.
The third option.
There’s a middle ground between “memorize a 300-step routine” and “take six months of lessons.” Learn the frame. Learn a basic step. Add an entrance. Learn a handful of turns and figures the groom can deploy whenever he wants. Add an ending. Pick your adventure on the dance floor.
It’s limited, but it’s not. A solid box step with a few turns will carry you through a ton of songs. And because you’re actually leading and following, it looks and feels like dancing, not a recital.
So should you buy the choreography?
If you want a specific performance and you don’t care that fifty other couples did the same one, go for it. You’ll have fun learning it together, and your guests will love it.
But if you want to actually dance with your partner, actually feel the phenomenon of moving as one together on your wedding day and after, then learn to lead and follow. It’s harder. It’s also the thing you’ll still have in ten years when the choreography is long forgotten.
