First Dance FAQs
Do we actually need dance lessons, or can we learn everything from these guides?
These guides will tell you if your song works and what dance fits it. They won’t teach you the dance. Reading about Rumba is like reading about swimming. At some point you have to get in the water.
I wrote a whole article on this one: “Do We Really Need Dance Lessons?”
How many lessons do we need, when should we start, and what should they cost?
This varies depending on what you learn and how fast you learn. Some couples nail it in three lessons. Most should plan on four, and four to six is the normal range. Start two to three months out.
Cost varies wildly by market. Private lessons typically run $55 to $125 a lesson. And if it’s on the higher side ask why. You don’t need wedding dance lessons from a “Five Time World Champion.”
More on what to expect (and what to watch out for) in “Do We Really Need Dance Lessons?”
How do we find a good dance instructor, and what should we ask before booking?
Look for someone who teaches social dancing, not just competitive ballroom. Ask if they’ve done wedding first dances before. Ask what they’d do with your specific song. If they can’t answer that on the spot, keep looking.
Red flags: they try to sell you a big package before hearing your song, they only teach one style regardless of the music, or they want to choreograph a five-minute routine for two people who’ve never danced.
Full breakdown, including the questions I wish every couple asked: “How Can We Find A Great Dance Instructor”
What is the Danceability Score and how is it calculated?
It’s my honest assessment of how well a song works as a first dance, out of 100. I weigh tempo, beat clarity, phrasing, length, feel, and how forgiving the song is for beginners.
A high score means you’ll have an easier time putting a basic step and some lead and follow figures to your song. A low score doesn’t mean it’s a bad song, it means you’ll need more work for it to look and feel good.
Am I the ultimate authority, a musicologist, or the last word on what song you should dance to? I am not. And I’ll never talk you out of dancing to a song.
What do BPM, tempo, and time signature mean, and why should we care?
BPM is beats per minute, how fast the song goes. Time signature is how those beats are grouped. Most pop songs are in 4/4, four beats per measure. Waltzes are in 3/4, three beats per measure.
You should care because the step will match the music’s structure. You can’t Waltz to a 4/4 song. Well, you can try, but your instructor will charge a lot more.
I break this down in plain English in “Is Your Song a Waltz or a Rumba? Yes.”
What are Rumba, Waltz, Foxtrot, and Nightclub Two-Step? Which is easiest for total beginners?
Rumba is slow, romantic, and the most popular wedding dance. It’s my personal favorite. Think close embrace and smoldering eye contact. It’s my top recommendation for most couples.
Waltz is the 3/4 dance, graceful and flowing. Beautiful if your song is written in 3’s. Non-negotiable if it is.
Foxtrot is smooth and gliding, the classic “dancing across the floor” look. Great for swing-era songs and anything with a walking beat.
Nightclub Two-Step is a popular all around step for a variety of songs. Some instructors use it as the default, I use it when a Rumba is too fast or too slow. Simple, intimate, forgiving.
Easiest for absolute beginners? This question is a trap. I’ve seen capable couples struggle with easy steps and then breeze through hard steps. Plus it depends on your instructor and their ability to teach.
What about Swing? Or Cha Cha, or Salsa?
Swing’s a great dance, and honestly it’s not a hard one to learn. But this library sticks to slow and romantic first dances. If you’ve found a Swing song that feels like your song, Does Your Song Rock? is coming soon. I’ll be offering a personalized song report for your actual song, judged on its own merits, with a straight answer on whether it works as a first dance and how you’d dance to it.
Our song isn’t on the list. How do we tell if it’ll work for a first dance?
I’ll be offering personalized song advice soon. Stay tuned.
In the meantime, “Choose the Perfect Song” walks through what makes a song danceable.
How long should our first dance be, and how do we cut a song that’s too long?
This depends on how much you build up your repertoire. Swaying back and forth? Keep it under two minutes. Got a basic step and some moves? Two to two and a half minutes. Bought the extended wedding lesson package? Three minutes tops.
Most songs are three to four minutes. Your DJ can fade out at the right moment, or you can have the song edited. Talk to your DJ about this in advance. Don’t assume they’ll know where to cut. Pick the moment together, ideally at a natural break in the music, but definitely based on what you want, not what the DJ thinks. More on choosing your length in “How Long Should Your First Dance Be?”
How do we talk to our DJ about the first dance? What do we need to tell them?
Tell them the exact version of the song (not all versions are the same length or tempo). Tell them where you want to start and end. Tell them if you want a fadeout or a hard cut. If you paid $700 for your wedding dance, don’t let the DJ torpedo it.
I wrote “Don’t Let Your DJ Ruin Your Dance” for exactly this reason. Read it before you hire one.
What do we wear? Can we actually dance in a wedding dress and heels?
Practice in your shoes. Not similar shoes. Your shoes. Heel height changes everything about your balance and your stride. And there’s no rule you have to dance in your heels either.
For the dress: if it’s big, practice in something big. A full skirt changes your movement more than you’d think. Your partner needs to know where the dress is so they’re not stepping on it. This is not the time for surprises.
Grooms: break in your shoes too. Blisters don’t care that it’s your wedding day.
More on this in “What to Wear.”
Do you offer lessons? How do we book him, and where is he located?
If you’re in Minneapolis/St. Paul, use my contact page to get in touch about services. My availability is limited, so I can’t promise anything, but it never hurts to ask.